25 Things About Pregnancy I Don't Miss

My writing partner and friend is pregnant and due any day now. It prompted me to look back on what I'd written when I was pregnant. It's fair to say my friend has complained a lot less than I did. Anyway, here was my list:

At 4.5 months into pregnancy, I realize that it's a necessary evil with a likely positive end but that doesn’t stop me wishing that my husband was carrying our little person around in his belly sometimes. These past few months have made me realize how much I took for granted in those pre-pregnancy days: Savoring a delicious cup of coffee without guilt, paranoia or heart palpitations Eating more than one tuna sandwich a week Eating deli meat with reckless abandon Imbibing with that sweet grape elixir that makes everything just a little more tolerable Drinking all the herbal tea I could get my hands on for anything that ailed me Not vomiting regularly Wearing something other than a bathrobe Being able to walk upstairs or through the grocery store without feeling like a 90 year old asthmatic Smelling ordinary things like banana peels without running to the bathroom and obsessively needing to take out the trash Hormonal balance, i.e. not wanting to push my husband off the balcony because he’s using a soap that has a smell I suddenly can’t stand Breathing normally Sleeping without a pile of strategically placed pillows and without waking up to pee every hour Being able to wear normal pants and bras without sewing extensions into everything Riding roller coasters Being free of leg cramps Living without sea bands, spearmint gum and bags of nuts in pockets of all my hoodies Never burping so loudly and constantly I can be heard in Afghanistan Living heartburn free Having energy to work or make social plans or load the dishwasher Driving without feeling you might collapse at the wheel from light-headedness Having to be responsible for only my own health and body Going to the doctor once every 3 years instead of once every 3 weeks Sitting down and standing up with ease and effervescence Eating ice cream knowing it might attach to my thighs but wouldn’t travel through my placenta to my unborn baby who now may be addicted to chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream which I later realized I shouldn’t have eaten in the first place because of the raw egg in it Here are a few things I dig about it: I’m lucky enough to get to stay home and be a housewife and stay at home Mom, watch Oprah and moan to my friends all day about my pregnancy ails. There will be a baby at the end of this, who could make some therapist very rich 20 years from now…just kidding, I hope. Seriously, creating a life that is part me, part my patient husband and part unique individual feels kinda miraculous and we can't wait to meet him/her or "shim" for short